I am well aware of how challenging it can be to be present, truly present where everything in this human existence is perfect exactly as it is, no matter what my mind has to say about it. Physical pain, emotional turmoil, mental confusion, and spiritual uncertainty -- hard to find peace, groundedness, Divine in all that (or so my mind says).
I realize that the only thing that keeps me from presence, true presence, is my perception. My perception, my beliefs, my ideas of what is and what is happening directly affect my ability to experience and be in the Truth.
If I believe in my separation from All That Is, in any moment, then I am floating in the middle of my experience, cut adrift from everything that is true.
So, why do I, at any time, listen to my mind when it tells me not to do my yoga, meditation, breath practices? Well, it usually doesn't tell me that. Usually my mind will distract me with something else, something that needs to be done right now. It is easier to move toward the stress place that arises by not being present because it is familiar... comfortably uncomfortable.
To move toward growth in any moment opens up a whole 'can of worms', Pandora's Box of potentially painful childhood memories, life traumas, feelings of isolation and abandonment. Why would this happen? From the enneagram perspective, this is because in our growth we are moving toward not only our integration, but also our 'soul child'. This is where I may come in contact with those young wounds. But it is through contact with this young self, this wounded soul that I have the ability to know true love for myself. Love is the only way to go into and through this place. My mind does not know love. It is not what it is for.
So, this morning I imagined losing the most important person in my life. Some event took place in my imagination, where she was suddenly gone. Not dead, but missing. Missing.
What would I do? I would search everywhere possible. I would engage the support of friends, family, strangers, police, rescue, mediums, guides... everyone. I would not rest until I found her. No distance would be too great to travel. No physical hardship would be too much to endure. No emotional upheaval would force me to stop searching. No thought, idea, belief or perception (mine or others') would see my search come to an end. I would find her. I would find her no matter what I discovered.
So, why would I not do the same for myself?
I know and have directly experienced my divinity, my expansiveness, my oneness, my consciousness and that of everyone and everything else. Why would I, in any moment, listen to a voice (my ego) that would tell me to follow any distraction rather than seeking to remember who I really am? Because it would be the same thing as giving up my search for the most important person in my life. "You've done enough today. You're tired. Go watch tv," says my mind. Somewhere is my True Self. Why would I allow such a clearly disconnected voice tell me what to do?
Presence. Presence is the answer to every question. How do I find my True Self? Presence. I can't seem to concentrate.. I'm afraid.. I feel so angry.. I don't believe.. What's the point?..... Presence.
Presence brings me into contact with everything. Paradise in a moment. A conscious moment of Presence. One moment after another....
