I met Drawdé (pronounced draw-day, spoken with a distinctive Eastern European/Russian accent) during an enneagram workshop. It was a very simple 'backwards name' alter ego exercise, that at the time created some trepidation for me about having to perform in front of others.
Edward spelled backwards is Drawde, but it was distinctly clear from the very first moment that this energy, because it clearly felt like a different energy in me, had been waiting for this moment for a long time. My name is Drawdé, I said with strength and confidence I hadn't a moment before been feeling. Not to mention a thick r-rolling accent.
To deepen our sense of our alter ego we were then asked to stand in a line and either step forward or stand still depending on whether our 'character' was a yes or no to the question. For example: Are you over 30 years old? And Drawdé stepped forward. But more interesting than all the responses to the questions, which by the way came quickly and without conscious thought, was the force of his energy within me.
I stood in the line with an excited, expectant energy, as if I were on stage waiting for the curtain to rise on the first night of a big show. Rather than being energized at the idea of being on stage ready to play a role, Drawdé was almost desperate to see the audience. Drawdé loves people! He is fascinated by them. So the raising of the proverbial stage curtain was exciting because of the people who would be revealed. So many faces to see, questions to ask them, glasses of wine to share.
Another exercise we did was to have a few minutes to choose and play with small objects or games, both as ourselves and as our alter egos. I chose a metal puzzle object, and tried to figure out how it worked. I, Edward, wanted to complete its intended task as a game or mental exercise.
Then it was time for Drawdé to have the object. The object suddenly became not an object of interest, but rather a note of introduction to its creator. I, Drawdé, wanted, earnestly and with great excited joy, to meet the person who had been so powerfully moved that they would create this little invention. I felt overjoyed. As Drawdé I wanted to find this person, ask them, with boundless enthusiasm, Why?! What was happening for you at the time? Where were you?? The feeling was that I must find him or her, make a sumptuous, decadent meal, drink wine, and talk late into the night, until there was no more to say. Which in the moment seemed impossible. I felt full of questions, things I wanted to share and to learn.
The most obvious phrase I remember from the energy of Drawdé was, I love people!! Like a fine, unknown bottle of wine, I want to pop their cork and drink them down in one terrific gulp!
My words can not convey the energy of Drawdé. I am personally 183 cm tall (6 feet) and weight about 73 kilos (160 lbs)... so, tall and thin. When in touch with the energy of Drawdé I feel the same height, but heavier and stronger. A bear of a man would be an adequate phrase. I have felt this bear-like energy within me. His excitement at meeting people is felt as if he is readying himself to grip a large tree and tear it from the Earth. Exuberant to say the least.
I rarely even think about shopping for clothes, shoes, etcetera. I am grateful that my beloved partner enjoys shopping for me. Now Drawdé on the other hand is a man who loves clothes, fine handmade clothes. I imagine him as having a fairly hefty bag of coins in his pocket, as he shows me the clothes he loves: high leather boots, long tapered coats, waist coats, soft hand tailored shirts and pants, and hats. When I say, 'shows me', I mean that when I feel his energy in me I see myself wearing, and drawn to wearing, this kind of clothing. It is as if Drawdé is from a different time, hence the 'bag of coins' idea. A time when he would have felt most alive. A time of family owned clothiers, hat makers, and the quality items of his local haberdashery!
The two energies of my 'Edwardness' and Drawdé are felt by me as quite distinctly different. Though I am coming to see this is not completely true, the weight of his character still surprises me when it shows up.
I am, by nature, it seems a quiet, soft spoken man. I listen easily and am understanding. As a therapist, I could sit in silence for long periods of time, easily present with others, both in their joy and in their painful trauma. If you know the enneagram you'll understand what I mean when I say I resonate most with the 4 energy, with a 5 wing. At an enlightenment intensive I heard my type 4 dyad partner say, "I am terrified of people", and I realized that I was too. This has changed, but it is part of what has kept me a more solitary, withdrawn type of individual.
Drawdé is, as my beloved has just confirmed, a healthy 4; he embodies confidence, strength, presence, flair, flow and equanimity. Where I might prefer stillness, or perhaps caution, Drawdé rushes toward life, full of receptivity to all that it offers.
Recently, as I joined my beloved Kira and our dear friend Sara for breakfast at Molé, I sat down at the window seat table and felt Drawdé's presence. I was laughing easily and fully, my laughter ringing out in the quarter full restaurant. I could feel how embodied I was, my posture open, my left arm resting heavily upon the back of the empty chair beside me. I made deep eye contact with my dining partners. I scanned the art covered brick walls with curiosity and fascination. I watched a young man walk by on the sidewalk and 'knew' sadly that he would die of cancer. I met the eyes of a young woman carrying an open umbrella as she passed. Her motion, or my experience of her, became slow-motion. Everything slowed down as our eyes met and she walked perhaps 8 feet. Neither of us could look away. Then she rapidly shook her head, looked straight ahead, and vanished from my view. I wanted to jump from my seat, run outside and call her back. I wanted to know who she was, what was happening in her life, what was important to her. I wanted to know what made her so sad inside. Instead, I turned to my table mates and laughed.
At this point our serving person came to our table. I was transfixed! With complete honesty I said, "I don't know why, but I am so glad you are here." She smiled and said, "Probably because I am going to bring you food." I laughed with her, but said, "No, I am truly glad you are here in this moment." Her energy changed as she turned her body to face me. She looked in my eyes and said, "I am glad that you are here too." I knew, in that moment, she meant those words as deeply as I did. She picked up a 10 peso coin from the table, that I had moments earlier found in my pocket, and asked about it. She then told me about her volunteer work in Mexico. She told me how challenging it had been and how much she loved it. Her words were like succulent fruit. I took them in with delight.
As she became aware of the restaurant and other people, she took our beverage orders and left us. I turned to Kira and Sara, and we all laughed. "I'm Alive!", I said. Though this was quite obvious to them. I shared my experience with them and I felt deeply seen and loved.
When our server returned, I found myself saying this phrase, "My parents named me Edward. What did your parents name you?" She smiled at me and said, "Sundari." I could feel Drawdé's 'pop the cork and drink them down' feeling arising in me. Fortunately Sundari was a willing participant, as she shared the history of her name and her association with its native India.
Normally, as I look at menus at restaurants I become aware of the limitations for my mostly vegan diet, however this time I saw items on the menu I had never seen before. Sundari assured me that the menu had changed only a small amount in recent months, but I was aware that I was seeing it differently. I was seeing all of the possibilities that came with seeing all the ingredients. Rather than choosing a menu item that was vegan, I began to ask her about each of the 'add on' or side dish items; their ingredients, flavours etc. When my choices arrived I was delighted with the combination of tastes and colours. This was me choosing to see all the beauty and choose from its flowing nature.
Drawdé and I are one. He is the healthier manifestation of my 4'ness. He expresses his love for people and for life with great exuberance. Drawdé does not miss a moment; he is embodied and present. I feel his energy as a wise, wise teacher inside me. I feel my willingness to experience life expanding.
I have a strong desire to write from this energy. To let Drawdé speak, live, and share. This is an introduction to what comes next... Drawdé: A Life Lived Fully.
*************************************************************************************
From the 'teach a person to fish' perspective:
You may wish to try this alter ego exercise yourself. Spell your first name backwards and say how it sounds out loud. Let the pronunciation arise in you.
As with Drawdé, you may find an accent gives your name a different energy. You can also choose to spell both your first and middle names backwards, creating one longer name. Be playful, innocent.
Ask yourself some questions to draw out your alter ego's way of being:
How old am I? Am I am male or female? Am I over or under 30 years of age? etc
You will likely find, as I have, that there exists a very healthy, embodied person inside you who is waiting to live a full life.
Enjoy.
Edward spelled backwards is Drawde, but it was distinctly clear from the very first moment that this energy, because it clearly felt like a different energy in me, had been waiting for this moment for a long time. My name is Drawdé, I said with strength and confidence I hadn't a moment before been feeling. Not to mention a thick r-rolling accent.
To deepen our sense of our alter ego we were then asked to stand in a line and either step forward or stand still depending on whether our 'character' was a yes or no to the question. For example: Are you over 30 years old? And Drawdé stepped forward. But more interesting than all the responses to the questions, which by the way came quickly and without conscious thought, was the force of his energy within me.
I stood in the line with an excited, expectant energy, as if I were on stage waiting for the curtain to rise on the first night of a big show. Rather than being energized at the idea of being on stage ready to play a role, Drawdé was almost desperate to see the audience. Drawdé loves people! He is fascinated by them. So the raising of the proverbial stage curtain was exciting because of the people who would be revealed. So many faces to see, questions to ask them, glasses of wine to share.
Another exercise we did was to have a few minutes to choose and play with small objects or games, both as ourselves and as our alter egos. I chose a metal puzzle object, and tried to figure out how it worked. I, Edward, wanted to complete its intended task as a game or mental exercise.
Then it was time for Drawdé to have the object. The object suddenly became not an object of interest, but rather a note of introduction to its creator. I, Drawdé, wanted, earnestly and with great excited joy, to meet the person who had been so powerfully moved that they would create this little invention. I felt overjoyed. As Drawdé I wanted to find this person, ask them, with boundless enthusiasm, Why?! What was happening for you at the time? Where were you?? The feeling was that I must find him or her, make a sumptuous, decadent meal, drink wine, and talk late into the night, until there was no more to say. Which in the moment seemed impossible. I felt full of questions, things I wanted to share and to learn.
The most obvious phrase I remember from the energy of Drawdé was, I love people!! Like a fine, unknown bottle of wine, I want to pop their cork and drink them down in one terrific gulp!
My words can not convey the energy of Drawdé. I am personally 183 cm tall (6 feet) and weight about 73 kilos (160 lbs)... so, tall and thin. When in touch with the energy of Drawdé I feel the same height, but heavier and stronger. A bear of a man would be an adequate phrase. I have felt this bear-like energy within me. His excitement at meeting people is felt as if he is readying himself to grip a large tree and tear it from the Earth. Exuberant to say the least.
I rarely even think about shopping for clothes, shoes, etcetera. I am grateful that my beloved partner enjoys shopping for me. Now Drawdé on the other hand is a man who loves clothes, fine handmade clothes. I imagine him as having a fairly hefty bag of coins in his pocket, as he shows me the clothes he loves: high leather boots, long tapered coats, waist coats, soft hand tailored shirts and pants, and hats. When I say, 'shows me', I mean that when I feel his energy in me I see myself wearing, and drawn to wearing, this kind of clothing. It is as if Drawdé is from a different time, hence the 'bag of coins' idea. A time when he would have felt most alive. A time of family owned clothiers, hat makers, and the quality items of his local haberdashery!
The two energies of my 'Edwardness' and Drawdé are felt by me as quite distinctly different. Though I am coming to see this is not completely true, the weight of his character still surprises me when it shows up.
I am, by nature, it seems a quiet, soft spoken man. I listen easily and am understanding. As a therapist, I could sit in silence for long periods of time, easily present with others, both in their joy and in their painful trauma. If you know the enneagram you'll understand what I mean when I say I resonate most with the 4 energy, with a 5 wing. At an enlightenment intensive I heard my type 4 dyad partner say, "I am terrified of people", and I realized that I was too. This has changed, but it is part of what has kept me a more solitary, withdrawn type of individual.
Drawdé is, as my beloved has just confirmed, a healthy 4; he embodies confidence, strength, presence, flair, flow and equanimity. Where I might prefer stillness, or perhaps caution, Drawdé rushes toward life, full of receptivity to all that it offers.
Recently, as I joined my beloved Kira and our dear friend Sara for breakfast at Molé, I sat down at the window seat table and felt Drawdé's presence. I was laughing easily and fully, my laughter ringing out in the quarter full restaurant. I could feel how embodied I was, my posture open, my left arm resting heavily upon the back of the empty chair beside me. I made deep eye contact with my dining partners. I scanned the art covered brick walls with curiosity and fascination. I watched a young man walk by on the sidewalk and 'knew' sadly that he would die of cancer. I met the eyes of a young woman carrying an open umbrella as she passed. Her motion, or my experience of her, became slow-motion. Everything slowed down as our eyes met and she walked perhaps 8 feet. Neither of us could look away. Then she rapidly shook her head, looked straight ahead, and vanished from my view. I wanted to jump from my seat, run outside and call her back. I wanted to know who she was, what was happening in her life, what was important to her. I wanted to know what made her so sad inside. Instead, I turned to my table mates and laughed.
At this point our serving person came to our table. I was transfixed! With complete honesty I said, "I don't know why, but I am so glad you are here." She smiled and said, "Probably because I am going to bring you food." I laughed with her, but said, "No, I am truly glad you are here in this moment." Her energy changed as she turned her body to face me. She looked in my eyes and said, "I am glad that you are here too." I knew, in that moment, she meant those words as deeply as I did. She picked up a 10 peso coin from the table, that I had moments earlier found in my pocket, and asked about it. She then told me about her volunteer work in Mexico. She told me how challenging it had been and how much she loved it. Her words were like succulent fruit. I took them in with delight.
As she became aware of the restaurant and other people, she took our beverage orders and left us. I turned to Kira and Sara, and we all laughed. "I'm Alive!", I said. Though this was quite obvious to them. I shared my experience with them and I felt deeply seen and loved.
When our server returned, I found myself saying this phrase, "My parents named me Edward. What did your parents name you?" She smiled at me and said, "Sundari." I could feel Drawdé's 'pop the cork and drink them down' feeling arising in me. Fortunately Sundari was a willing participant, as she shared the history of her name and her association with its native India.
Normally, as I look at menus at restaurants I become aware of the limitations for my mostly vegan diet, however this time I saw items on the menu I had never seen before. Sundari assured me that the menu had changed only a small amount in recent months, but I was aware that I was seeing it differently. I was seeing all of the possibilities that came with seeing all the ingredients. Rather than choosing a menu item that was vegan, I began to ask her about each of the 'add on' or side dish items; their ingredients, flavours etc. When my choices arrived I was delighted with the combination of tastes and colours. This was me choosing to see all the beauty and choose from its flowing nature.
Drawdé and I are one. He is the healthier manifestation of my 4'ness. He expresses his love for people and for life with great exuberance. Drawdé does not miss a moment; he is embodied and present. I feel his energy as a wise, wise teacher inside me. I feel my willingness to experience life expanding.
I have a strong desire to write from this energy. To let Drawdé speak, live, and share. This is an introduction to what comes next... Drawdé: A Life Lived Fully.
*************************************************************************************
From the 'teach a person to fish' perspective:
You may wish to try this alter ego exercise yourself. Spell your first name backwards and say how it sounds out loud. Let the pronunciation arise in you.
As with Drawdé, you may find an accent gives your name a different energy. You can also choose to spell both your first and middle names backwards, creating one longer name. Be playful, innocent.
Ask yourself some questions to draw out your alter ego's way of being:
How old am I? Am I am male or female? Am I over or under 30 years of age? etc
You will likely find, as I have, that there exists a very healthy, embodied person inside you who is waiting to live a full life.
Enjoy.
