Why do teachers talk about 'devotion'? What is so important about a 'practice' when the world seems to be in a tailspin? Who or what do we talk to, or pray to, when it seems like we are all alone on a rock hurtling through space? What is the point of any of this life?
I woke this morning with heavy, tired eyes. My sleep was only disrupted for about an hour, but it seems to have been enough to give my mind all the material it needed to question my reality and develop depressing story lines. I got up anyway and headed to the living room to sit, to do some breathing and meditation. Instead of quiet I found the questions, written above, circling in my mind. Like vultures circling my tired carcass.
Devotion: the word implies loyalty and refers to private worship. Loyalty to what? Worshiping what? I sat to do a breath practice called Earth-Sky; a very powerful grounding and vibrationally enhancing breath. I heard my teacher's words float through my mind reminding me that I need 'devotion' to surrender to my practice. I am as likely as anyone to not do what I am told, or at least to question whether it is true for me or not. I grew up hearing the words, 'because I told you so'. So, I need a better reason than 'because I told you so.'
Devotion, for me, needs to be personal. It needs to have meaning and purpose. Now, that may sound very heady, but mostly what it means is I need to hear from my own deep place of inner wisdom before I leap off the proverbial cliff of self-determination. So why do I seek to deepen my experience of devotion and to what do I devote my energy, my presence, my soul?
I didn't know what I was going to write until I wrote those words. I devote myself to being presence in each moment. My mind/superego gladly jumps in with, "And you obviously don't succeed at that very often!" I hear the words, recognize the tiny kernel of truth, and then metaphorically watch the wind blow it away. I devote myself to being presence in each moment. I devote myself to being presence in each moment.
What is more valuable than choosing to consciously breathe in and out while there is so much fear and anger apparently running the world? As I gently imagine breathing grounding and relaxing energy up from the Earth and into my heart center I feel a calm fill me, and suddenly I am more aware of the sun illuminating the fir trees across the small salt water inlet outside my window. I smile as I become aware of Sufi, our feline companion, curled up on the blanket my partner's grandmother knitted. I am aware that upstairs my beloved partner sleeps. What else is there right now? Even asking this simple question is like tripping over a dozing, fearful animal called 'mind', that immediately wants to list all the horrors taking place on the planet. "What else is there right now?!?" it yells. But as I breathe in and out right now all I see and feel is beauty.
Who or what do we pray to, ask help from, when the mind is believable, tormenting us with the facts of ecological disaster, cruelty, abuse, and let's not forget the anticipated 'end of the world' in 2012? 'God' or 'Goddess' are touchy words, and the more fearful we become the less we believe in a person somewhere out there who will intercede on our behalf. The 'Universe' or 'Cosmos' can seem so vast, so expansive that it is hard to imagine it 'cares' about another speck of space dust like our little human self. In religion we often find the greatest solace in an actual, or believed actual, person, someone who has lived the pain and sorrow of this human life. So we turn to the Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Saints, or mother figures like Mary for the human touch, the warm presence of someone who would care if they were here with us.
When we complete our prayers we may find a renewed strength, courage, or hope to face our day, but we may also become aware that, in our human condition, we are once again alone. This aloneness, this moment where all we are left with is the quick beat of our own heart, is where we can find our 'devotion'. We take a deep conscious breath in order to slow the beating in our chest which can easily become anxiety, and we return to our practice again and again, moment by moment. Not for anyone else. Not because someone said to do it. This is our loyalty to our self. Not even because it brings us closer to some external guide or loving power, but because our devotion brings us closer to ourselves. The closer we are to ourselves the more we can know what we need, who we are, and what the point is of taking one more conscious breath... in and out.
Your devotion is personal. I teach people meditation and breath practices, but they may not do them. You need to look to what has deep meaning to you, but it needs to be simple like breathing is simple or listening to a bird's song is simple. The only real practice is in bringing your full attention, your full presence to it in the moment you become aware of it. Notice your mind's attempts to send you into a fearful story of pain and suffering, and then bring yourself back to breathing in and breathing out, to listening to the next bird song. Do this again and again and again. This is devotion.
With love,
Edward
I woke this morning with heavy, tired eyes. My sleep was only disrupted for about an hour, but it seems to have been enough to give my mind all the material it needed to question my reality and develop depressing story lines. I got up anyway and headed to the living room to sit, to do some breathing and meditation. Instead of quiet I found the questions, written above, circling in my mind. Like vultures circling my tired carcass.
Devotion: the word implies loyalty and refers to private worship. Loyalty to what? Worshiping what? I sat to do a breath practice called Earth-Sky; a very powerful grounding and vibrationally enhancing breath. I heard my teacher's words float through my mind reminding me that I need 'devotion' to surrender to my practice. I am as likely as anyone to not do what I am told, or at least to question whether it is true for me or not. I grew up hearing the words, 'because I told you so'. So, I need a better reason than 'because I told you so.'
Devotion, for me, needs to be personal. It needs to have meaning and purpose. Now, that may sound very heady, but mostly what it means is I need to hear from my own deep place of inner wisdom before I leap off the proverbial cliff of self-determination. So why do I seek to deepen my experience of devotion and to what do I devote my energy, my presence, my soul?
I didn't know what I was going to write until I wrote those words. I devote myself to being presence in each moment. My mind/superego gladly jumps in with, "And you obviously don't succeed at that very often!" I hear the words, recognize the tiny kernel of truth, and then metaphorically watch the wind blow it away. I devote myself to being presence in each moment. I devote myself to being presence in each moment.
What is more valuable than choosing to consciously breathe in and out while there is so much fear and anger apparently running the world? As I gently imagine breathing grounding and relaxing energy up from the Earth and into my heart center I feel a calm fill me, and suddenly I am more aware of the sun illuminating the fir trees across the small salt water inlet outside my window. I smile as I become aware of Sufi, our feline companion, curled up on the blanket my partner's grandmother knitted. I am aware that upstairs my beloved partner sleeps. What else is there right now? Even asking this simple question is like tripping over a dozing, fearful animal called 'mind', that immediately wants to list all the horrors taking place on the planet. "What else is there right now?!?" it yells. But as I breathe in and out right now all I see and feel is beauty.
Who or what do we pray to, ask help from, when the mind is believable, tormenting us with the facts of ecological disaster, cruelty, abuse, and let's not forget the anticipated 'end of the world' in 2012? 'God' or 'Goddess' are touchy words, and the more fearful we become the less we believe in a person somewhere out there who will intercede on our behalf. The 'Universe' or 'Cosmos' can seem so vast, so expansive that it is hard to imagine it 'cares' about another speck of space dust like our little human self. In religion we often find the greatest solace in an actual, or believed actual, person, someone who has lived the pain and sorrow of this human life. So we turn to the Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Saints, or mother figures like Mary for the human touch, the warm presence of someone who would care if they were here with us.
When we complete our prayers we may find a renewed strength, courage, or hope to face our day, but we may also become aware that, in our human condition, we are once again alone. This aloneness, this moment where all we are left with is the quick beat of our own heart, is where we can find our 'devotion'. We take a deep conscious breath in order to slow the beating in our chest which can easily become anxiety, and we return to our practice again and again, moment by moment. Not for anyone else. Not because someone said to do it. This is our loyalty to our self. Not even because it brings us closer to some external guide or loving power, but because our devotion brings us closer to ourselves. The closer we are to ourselves the more we can know what we need, who we are, and what the point is of taking one more conscious breath... in and out.
Your devotion is personal. I teach people meditation and breath practices, but they may not do them. You need to look to what has deep meaning to you, but it needs to be simple like breathing is simple or listening to a bird's song is simple. The only real practice is in bringing your full attention, your full presence to it in the moment you become aware of it. Notice your mind's attempts to send you into a fearful story of pain and suffering, and then bring yourself back to breathing in and breathing out, to listening to the next bird song. Do this again and again and again. This is devotion.
With love,
Edward
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