Right and Wrong

Oh the ease with which my mind creates 'right' and 'wrong' stories about everything I think and do!

Writing here initiates a monologue of the mind.  My ego (i.e. the prison cell of roles and ideas of who I am supposed to be in whatever setting I find myself in) focuses my attention on an 'intellectual' description of my experience (whatever it is).  My superego (i.e. the prison warden who has the maturity in the world of a 2 year old, but the power of an adult's judgments and life experiences) jumps in with all of the 'right' and 'wrong', 'good' and 'bad' judgments about me, my ideas, my experiences, my... anything.

I hear my mind (i.e. the combination of those two forces plus all the masculine energy organizational, logical, rational abilities) say, "Don't forget to say, 'Fortunately these monologues happen less frequently and with less intensity.'"

You see, I am never alone in my human experience.  In fact, when I have been in very dark times in my life (Superego: "When you couldn't keep your shit together!") and felt completely alone (Ego: "Don't forget you are a 'Transpersonal Psychotherapist' for God's sake! Watch what you say, you are supposed to have it together!") I was never actually alone.

And no, I don't mean that the Divine or some unseen benevolent force was always present guiding and supporting me.  I mean my mind was constantly trying to drive my proverbial life vehicle through the bullying use of its egoic and superegoic henchpeople (Superego: "'Henchpeople'!? What the hell is that? Politically correct or just plain stupid?!")

What was I saying?

(Superego: "You are good or okay if you feel something and are true to yourself!" -- Enneatype 4, Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator: http://openingworks.com/services.html.

Let me just go back up to the top of the blog and see what it was I was intend on writing about....

I am never 'right' or 'wrong'.  Hmmm... is that true? Yes, yes it is.  My thoughts, words, and actions may be more or less healthy, or may or may not be loving, or in my highest good or not, but right and wrong is just a simplified superego notion from childhood.

So with my dominant personality energy being Type 4, and with the above superego message, I am totally screwed unless I grow beyond the simplicity of my mind.  How, for example, do I know what I am supposed to "feel" to be "good or okay" or for that matter, how much I am supposed to feel??  And, be "true to myself" means what exactly?

But here is what I see: the superego message, like all the mind's chatter that we feel so affected by, has a kernel of truth in it... once you pare away the judgments and impossibility of the message.  Try reading this without judgment:  'I am good or okay. (Period!)  If I feel something, whatever it is, and am able to be consciously aware of that feeling, and am then able to take conscious action in the world, preferably in a creative way if I am feeling creative, then I am being true to myself.'

(Superego: "Nice! Turned your little 'expression of yourself' into a mini-lecture on the enneagram. Way to be 'true to yourself' dumbass!")

Does the Dalai Lama wear what appear to be used glasses, possibly shipped to his India headquarters by a well meaning church group in some mid-western U.S. town -- okay, one that does not think all Buddhists are going to hell -- in order to 'look' a certain way?  Does his superego say, 'You can't wear Gucci frames because then you'd look like you have too much money, are living too cushy a live, and really don't care about the struggle of the Tibetan people...dumbass!'  I kind of doubt it, but I would be very surprised if the superego and ego did not assert themselves at some moments.  (Ego: "Oh my God! You are not going to post this!" Superego: "This Rubbish!" Ego: "Yes! this rubbish. You can't!")

Choosing whether I listen to my superego/ego/mind or not is really the trick.  Yes, my writing here is a bit of a dramatization -- like those awful road accident videos they used to show in driving classes for teens -- but the point is our minds almost never shut up.  Like the kitten, Sufi, who just came zooming through the partially open door, leaping to land on my lap looking for attention, our minds are always ready to leap on us to distract, judge, confuse, justify, or weave an elaborate story about ourselves or others.  Amazing any of us ever write or speak.  Hmmm....

Anyway, I am going to post this now... having only read it over twice for spelling and grammatical accuracy, and with only minor superego judgments.  Imagine Amnesty International supporters stopping us on the street to tell us about the atrocities being committed by Minds and their terrorist cells the Superego and Ego.

Love yourself!

Edward