Surrendering to whatever is in my 'highest good'

Recently I have dropped into a place of daily surrender to whatever is in my 'highest good'.  I wrap that phrase in apostrophes because I think it requires a brief explanation, and because it describes a massive amount of the unknown.

For me, my highest good is all that matters.  This means that whatever is truly in my highest good is what will support my consciousness expansion here on Earth and that is why I am here -- to awaken to the truth of what is.

So, what is your 'highest good'?  This is whatever truly supports your expanding awareness of who and what you are both as a human being and beyond this human form. 'Whatever' means your words, actions, thoughts, and energetic expressions in any form, and it means showing up fully for whatever shows up in your life so you can respond rather than react to it.

My own surrender process arose as a result of an awareness that it is only my own ideas and beliefs that keep me limited.  I then chose to ask All That Is (e.g. cosmos, divine, higher self, angels, loved ones who have passed on from this world, and whatever energies might be supporting my existence) to help me let go of all ideas, beliefs, and fears that block me from my highest good.

I felt the truth in this the moment I said, "I surrender to whatever is in my highest good".  Relief flooded through me, but was immediately followed by a rush of fear as my mind got involved.  My mind began to tell me a story of all the potential consequences of such a bold and sweeping commitment (e.g. 'You have no idea how this will change your life! It could mean letting go of everything and everyone you know, love, and are comfortable with in this life!! Are you nuts?!?').

When I am conscious I can see the beauty of the mind's fearful attacks as holding kernels of truth.  This is how the mind's chatter is so very effective for most of us -- it uses a tiny piece of truth as it weaves its stories.  In this case the truth is that when I surrender I may actually have different choices arise for me, as well as some situations arising that will just happen 'to' me.

Directly facing this potential consequences piece removed all the fear.  I am open to whatever comes my way that is in my highest good.

So... last night this openness was challenged by a gift that arose for me.  At the closing of a recent class with my teacher, Bhuvaneswari Devi, she said,  "I will talk to you when I return from Peru in a month."  My immediate, though stifled, inner response was, "Can I go with you?"  My mind intervened very quickly to try to stop this spontaneous, fearless question.  I went to her blogspot (http://bhuvaneswaridevi.blogspot.com/) and read about the Peru trip, which somehow had completely evaded my awareness up until that moment, and was now 'full'.  I thought this looked like a great opportunity, except for the 'full' part.

I decided to simply say to All That Is, "If this Peru experience is in my highest good then I am open to someone showing up with the money."  I should note that this was on the evening of February 6th and the experience in Peru begins on the 9th of February!  Quick turnaround indeed.

The next day I was shocked to receive the offer of full financial support for this trip from a dear being who had heard about my interest in going.

What do you suppose was my reaction? Oh yes, it was a 'reaction' and not a 'response' (the latter being a conscious, grounded, centerd place to meet a choice).  Fear.  Suddenly I was faced with All That Is, in the form of a wonderful human being, saying, 'Here is the money to go to Peru' and all I could hear was my mind rapidly running through all the reasons I could not go.  My body, of course, heard the mind's stories as fact (which is what it will always do because it does not know the difference between what is actually happening around me and what I am imagining) and began to feel shaky and weak.  This is a perfect example of dropping out of my belly, my power center into fear.

Naturally this reaction was in direct contradiction of how I had been experiencing myself a day earlier, which gave my mind more ammunition for attacks.  Not much fun.

My lovely partner reminded me that I could take a step toward accepting 'what showed up' and see if the trip was truly supported.  This meant surrendering once again to the possibility that the road could actually lay wide open for me to go.  So I contacted my teacher, who basically said if I could arrange it all in one day then I could join them in Peru.  I then attempted to call the chosen group accommodations to see if there was a bed, or bit of floor space, for me there, only to run up against phone systems not functioning and contacts telling me they were in Europe and couldn't help me.

These brief roadblocks gave me the opportunity to return to a calm place of inquiry.  After checking for flight options, examining all costs, and in discussion with my partner and our dear friend, I could see what I was really wanting from a trip like this was possible in other ways if this did not work out.

I will not be going to Peru this time, but the experience gave me a direct experience of the consequences of surrendering.  It was like having my mind flushed out of the shadows and into the light so that I could face another piece of my personality and surrender that too.

May the Light continue to illuminate all our shadows, for whatever is in our highest goods.

Edward